


Gotta be Able to see to Look this Good

by thewronglong



Category: Red Dwarf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:32:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewronglong/pseuds/thewronglong
Summary: Cat regrets blending his spectacles, whatever will he do?





	Gotta be Able to see to Look this Good

Cat sat alone in his wardrobe, wiping his eyes with a scrap of lime green silk. He could do it, he knew he could, he HAD to get this thread through the eye of this stupid smegging needle. His eyes watered with the effort and he'd lost 4 needles in the carpet. They were long gone now, lost in the blur of the shag carpeting. Maybe he'll find them later with the ball of a bare foot. He licked the end of the thread and began again. Even under the 100 watt bulb of his sewing table lamp he couldn't make out the hole. Usually by now he would have gotten it on sheer luck, but that virus had run its course and now he'd have to figure something new out. 

He remembered the glasses he'd blended a few days ago and silently cursed himself. He didn't need to read fine print, but this was another story, he NEEDED to get this shirt finished, it would match his new socks. The stitching he could do by feel, a straight seam was almost instinctual by now. He had but one problem. One big, huge, tiny, unseeable smegging hole of a problem. It never occurred to him to ask for help. 

He remembered a sewing kit he'd found in starbug years ago. It had a little wire thing in it, attached to something he thought was a coin at first… a needle threader. He remembered throwing it out, thinking it was a waste of space, he'd never need anything like that. Maybe there were other kits like that on board. He threw down his work. Time to go exploring.

Twelve rooms in, no luck. He'd found a premium collection of new shiny things, but no sewing kits. Did none of these people ever have to take in a skirt or hem up some pants. They must have all looked terrible roaming the halls in their ill fitting uniforms.

Cat did find some knitting needles. Lister had attempted to learn the basics of knitting years ago. Cat had given it a go, and he was quite good, but ugly wool sweaters weren't his style. He'd made goal post head a scarf for Christmas one year. Arnold was surprised at the gift, and quite touched. That was until he stretched it out reveal the words SMEG HEAD in big looping script knitted right into the design. Rimmer still wore it sometimes.

Three more pairs of glasses, all useless, joined his other shiny things, destined to become parts of a new chandelier for his number three bedroom. It wasn't all a loss, though, he'd discovered in the closet of one crew member a collection of evening wear. Whoever she was she'd had good taste. Many items were extravagantly decorated with either beads, sequins, or rhinestones, and whoever she was she had been a very large lady. One dress could easily be turned into two suits for himself.

Collecting as many dresses as he could fit in his trolley, he danced and sang about his new find. It was the best discovery he'd discovered in a long time. But how was he going to convert them for his own use? He went back to tossing the room. 

In the bottom of the closet was a trunk, breaking it's lock was easy, and when he opened it he was greeted by a hot pink peacock boa. Not exactly his style, but he'd find a use for it. This was turning into a very good day. He dug deeper. Many pairs of sparkling heels went flying over his shoulder. Damn, this chick had big feet, and she must have been bald too, for the top shelf of the closet was lined with foam heads sporting several wigs. 

Dresser drawers yielded nothing but lots of pantyhose and some men's clothing, her boyfriend must stayed over a lot, he apparently was equally as large.

He moved on to the vanity. If he didn't already have one Cat would have added it to the list of items he'd be taking from the room. Not much here, mostly makeup and several rolls of duct tape. He took the tape to give to Kryten to use for repairs on Starbug. 

Moving over to the night stand he realized that this room was not that of a regular crew member, none of them ever had furniture like this. This may become bedroom number 12 sometime in the future. The nightstand's top drawer several items inside that he didn't quite understand, but the smell of them was off-putting and he closed it quickly. 

With the bottom drawer he hit paydirt. A sewing kit. The plastic lid was difficult to open and when it finally popped open items went flying. Beads, needles, thread, and all sorts of bits and baubles spread out across the bed and floor. Cat got down on all fours and began searching for a thread puller. Nothing. He was ready to give up and take a nap. This whole ordeal was just too tiring. He leaned against the gray wall and rubbed his strained eyes. 

A nap would be nice, but not here. He got up using the nightstand for support, his weight rocked it a little and he heard something shift behind. He reached back there and came up with a pair of large red cat eye glasses. 

When he put them on everything came into focus. Jackpot. He did a little dance and picked up a framed photo that sat on the nightstand. He could see it clearly. It was the woman who had resided here. She stood tall in a red sequined gown with matching red wig. She wasn't exactly his type, but she had delivered what he needed and much more. 

“Thanks a lot, big babe!” He kissed the photo. “I'll see you later. I've got some work to do, Oww!” And Cat danced his way out of the room of Red Dawn, the ship's resident drag queen.


End file.
